Just A Little Something

Phone rings...

"Hello, good morning"

"Good morning. Is this Joanne?"

"Yes, this is she. And you are?"

"My name is Sandra. You don't know me."

Joanne: Okay, Sandra...

Sandra: Well, I am Jason's girlfriend.

Joanne: Jason's girlfriend...

Sandra: Yes, you know him. I found your messages in his phone.

Joanne: Okay...

Sandra: Yes, so I wanted you to know that he has a girlfriend.

Joanne: Okay.

Sandra: Okay.

Silence.

Sandra: Because I saw all these messages where you called him "darling" and "love",  that's why I called to tell you he has a girlfriend so you'll not put your hopes on him.

Joanne: Hmmm. That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you.

Sandra: You are welcome.

Joanne: Hmmm. Can I ask you a question?

Sandra: Fine.

Joanne: How long have you known Jason?

Sandra: Long enough

Joanne: Er... I don't think so.

Sandra: What? Why do you say so?

Joanne: Calling me up to tell me you're his girlfriend and that I should back off shows that you know nothing about him.

Sandra: You are not serious. I know him very well. Six months is no joke.

Joanne: Six months? You've known him for six months yet you don't know who I am?  Hmmm, you must be at the shallow end of the love pool!

Sandra: What's that supposed to mean?

Joanne: Don't worry, love. You'll figure it out soon enough, maybe in another twelve months. That is if you're still in the pool by then, my darling.

Sandra: What?

Joanne: There, I call everyone 'darling' and 'love'"

End Tone.

A few minutes later, phone rings again.

Joanne (in a sing-song voice): Hello, good morning!

Sandra: Look here, you boyfriend snatcher, you better tell me what you meant by your last statement.

Joanne: My last statement? Oh, it means that I call everyone endearing names like 'darling', 'love', 'sweetheart' and all. How deep is that?

Sandra: No, not that. You said I'll figure out who you are in twelve months, that is if I'm still in the love pool by then. What exactly do you mean by that?

Joanne: That wasn't my last statement, dear.

Sandra: That's not the point! Stop calling me dear! I am not your dear and I will never be your dear. And you know what else? Jason is not your darling and love, so just get the hell out of our lives, okay? That's how you Lagos girls behave. You won't find a man of your own. Your eyes will be on someone else' man. Boyfriend snatcher!

Silence.

Joanne: Sweetheart, I was in Jason's life way before you came, so that rules out the boyfriend snatcher part. Secondly, I have a key. Do you have a key?

Sandra: Em... A key?

Joanne: (with sarcasm) yes, a key. You know, that small piece of shaped metal with incisions cut to fit into a particular lock, and that is inserted into the lock and turned to open or close it?

Sandra: (scoffs) I know what a key is, thank you very much!

Joanne: So, do you?

Sandra: Well, I have a place of my own so I don't need a key to his.

Joanne: Whatever gives you sleep at night, darling.

Silence.

Sandra: (in a small voice) you mean you have a key to Jason's place?

Joanne: Yes, I do.

Sandra: I don't.

Joanne: I know. If it's any consolation, he's dated you longer than the others. Others usually don't last up to two months. Three max. And they all know me.

Sandra: Well, truth is he hardly ever brings me to his place. I've been there just once and that's because he needed to get something and I happened to be with him at the time. We're always at my place.

Joanne: Figures. And he's never told you why he doesn't bring you to his place?

Sandra: Well, I've never asked. Besides, he says that he loves being at my place, being with me at my place. Funny thing is he's got a key to my place. He comes in and goes out as he pleases.

Joanne: Hmmm...

Sandra: See, I'm sorry I even called you. I've never done this kind of thing before. It's just that last night, for the first time since we started dating, Jason told me he loves me, so I was shocked to find your messages in his phone this morning. I just reacted foolishly and I'm sorry.

Joanne: No, it's okay. I can relate with that. I wouldn't do it, though, but I understand. It's okay, really. Well, I think Jason really loves you.

Sandra: What? How can you even say that? You are obviously the one he loves. But how do you cope with his philandering ways?

Joanne: Of course, he loves me. He has no option than to love me. Well, I wouldn't call Jason a philanderer. He's not that. He just has some sadness inside of him and that's because of what life threw at him a while ago. Three years ago, he lost his fiancee a few days to their wedding and since then there's been a hole in his heart needs to be filled. At a time, he seemed to be grasping at all straws to find the balance he needed to become emotionally stable once more, hence all the women. But I think he's found that in you, which is a good thing. And to answer your question, I'm able to cope because I'm his twin sister.

Sandra: Oh my God!

End Tone.

Phone rings.

Sandra: (sounding very humbled) hello?

Joanne: (laughs) why did you end the call?

Sandra: See, I'm just so mortified right now. I can't begin to imagine what you think of me now.

Joanne: (laughs) believe me, I think you're a great girl and I'd love to meet you in person but it has to be with Jason's permission because I believe he's kept you and I  apart all this while for a reason. So, ask him who Joanne is.

Sandra: Okay, I will. Thank you so much, Joanne.

Joanne: You are welcome.

End Tone.

Later...

Sandra: Baby?

Jason: Yeah?

Sandra: Who is Joanne?

Jason: My sister. Twin sister, actually. I see you finally found her. Or which of you found each other?

Sandra: Why didn't you tell me you had a sister, Jason?

Jason: Well, because I wanted you all to myself. I didn't need anything to come between us. I wanted it to be just you and me for a while, so we could become used to each other, form a bond and all that. Believe me, when you meet my sister, you won't remember me anymore. You'll end up loving her more than me.

Sandra: What? That is impossible, baby.

Jason: Well, just you wait and see. Joanne is FUN, and me, not so much. She is absolutely amazing. You'll definitely love her more than me.

Sandra: Oh come on, you are fun in so many ways. Well, in your own way, and I swear I love you. She's amazing, I admit, but you're more amazing to me.

Jason: Yeah?

Sandra: Oh yeah!

Jason: Okay, then.

Phone rings.

Joanne: (in her sing-song voice) hello, good evening!

Jason: (exasperated) okay, we'll be home tomorrow.

Joanne: Yayyyy!!!  Is Sandra there? I wanna talk to her.

Jason: (rolls his eyes, and passes the phone to Sandra) of course!

Sandra: Hi Joanne...

One hour and half later...

Sandra: Okay, Joanne. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Goodnight!

End Tone.

Sandra: Baby, your sister is awesome!

Jason: (sighs deeply) here we go again...

The End.