Loose Ends
Every now and then, we meet that person we are sure we want to spend the rest of our lives with. We fall madly in love with them and do everything in our power to show it. We sing all the love songs we know to them, write the sweetest poems for them, try to look nice for them, say all the silly stuff to them. We effortlessly do things to make them understand how much we care.
Sometimes, it works out and other times it doesn't.
When its the latter, we cry and try to get them to change their mind and love us once more but sadly, it doesn't happen.
Then we try to move on as best as we can. We pick up the pieces of what's left and try to go on.
Now, two things happen; we either forgive, forget and move on while holding on to the lesson we learned or we don't forgive, don't forget, never move on and allow that person live rent-free in our minds.
Oftentimes, a genuine love comes around and because we are still caught up in the past, we fail to recognize it. If this new person shows us love, we brush it aside because we've become totally cynical, the pain from the past fanning the embers of hate that has come to dwell within us. And so we hurt this person over and over again. We lash at them every chance we get. We become overly suspicious of every good deed they render us. We punish them for the sins of another, which is terribly wrong.
Seriously, we don't need to punish anyone for any wrong they do us. Believe me, they will be punished. And that is if they deliberately set out to hurt us.
Sometimes, things just don't work out. Sometimes, we meet someone and we think "Wow! This is it!" but as time goes out, the passion we felt at the beginning begins to ebb. This could be due to a number of things. It could be that we don't see things the same way with that person and that could pose as a huge challenge, and the two parties can only be able to find a way around these differences if they both are really mature. And there are other factors.
I always hear people lament after the end of a relationship. I hear them rain curses on the one who jilted them. It hurts. I won't lie but its not enough to curse them or wish them evil. I'm not in any way applauding those who hurt the people they are supposed to love but I will not condemn them either. At least not anymore, because the older we get, the more experiences we have, the wiser we become, the broader our minds get, the more understanding we get.
It is absolutely okay for someone to leave. There's no rule that says we must stay in love and live happily ever after. Happily ever after happens in fairy tales and we all know those are not real. The best we can have is live reasonably happily ever after and that is the plain truth. So, we should try to allow whoever wants to leave be. Let them go. Sometimes, they return and other times they don't. Sometimes its about timing or conditions. If its truly meant to be, that person can be found again; when the timing and conditions are perfect.
So, I was saying no one is obliged to remain with us forever. No one should be forced or cajoled to stay. Yes, they can leave. However, they must say they are leaving.
I've seen situations when someone who so passionately professed love just stops calling. They just move on without telling their partner that they have. That is what I have a big problem with because I would feel deeply ashamed that I fell in love with a coward.
How do you leave someone who loves you, who is so kind and good to you without informing them, without an explanation? What a coward you are!
How dare you keep mute, knowing fully well that this person believes that you love them? How dare you leave them to "figure it out?" That's pure evil, and its one of the things that kill the world. That's one of the easiest way to dehumanize a person because they become lost not knowing which way to go, unable to make any definite plan because they believe you will return at any time to continue with the relationship. Its lethal.
And you use the sickening phrase "I'm going through some stuff right now, give me sometime while I sort myself out?" And you're out there frolicking with your latest victim, probably planning a wedding with another.
I liken this sort to a murderer; the worst kind because you kill that person everyday. You remove something from them everyday they have to live in uncertainty. You limit them. You tamper with their future. Seriously, do you really think you will get away scot free? No, you won't because Karma is no respecter of persons. Karma gets the job done! Karma is a bitch!
See, everyone is worth an explanation. If you're no longer in love, say it. If you think its not going to work out, say it. Don't tie down someone's future just because you are too cowardly to say things as they are at your end. No matter how much it will hurt, that person will recover faster and move on quicker than when you don't.
We should endeavor to tie up every loose end we have. It could be an ex or a present lover. Just do the needful. We learned in Kindergaten that saying the words "I am sorry" is magic. It soothes and heals. Most of the time it does. Why not say it? Call up or text that old flame and tell them how sorry you are for the way you treated them. Tell your present flame you are sorry that you have to leave. Let go of your gluttony and cowardice. Tie up your loose ends.
Maybe you have to think far back or not too far back to tighten your loose end, but do it. If you have been deceiving anyone or consciously leading someone on, you should stop it right now before it is too late. But if you stubbornly decide not to, then be ready for what's coming to you because it will come. It can come in trickles or in torrents, bottomline is, you'll get served your own dish and my, will it be unpalatable!
So, let's do it. Right now. Get on the phone. Get typing. Reach out to that person you KNOW you treated or are treating bad. Whether its an old or present lover, a friend, a family member, a colleague, your boss, your househelp, your driver, gardener, cleaner, neighbour, pet ... It doesn't matter who it is! Just tie up your loose ends and you'll see how better the world will get by tomorrow morning.
P.S:
Four things:
1. You will receive insults but don't despair because you'll realize how much you hurt them and you'll be glad you did your part.
2. You will get "I really, really hated you for a long time. Thanks for doing this"
3. You will get "Well, I forgave you a long time ago but thanks anyway."
4. The person will cry and beg you to change your mind, but remain firm as its for greater good.
Or you will get all four and that depends on how bad you were/are.
Come on, let's do this.
Sometimes, it works out and other times it doesn't.
When its the latter, we cry and try to get them to change their mind and love us once more but sadly, it doesn't happen.
Then we try to move on as best as we can. We pick up the pieces of what's left and try to go on.
Now, two things happen; we either forgive, forget and move on while holding on to the lesson we learned or we don't forgive, don't forget, never move on and allow that person live rent-free in our minds.
Oftentimes, a genuine love comes around and because we are still caught up in the past, we fail to recognize it. If this new person shows us love, we brush it aside because we've become totally cynical, the pain from the past fanning the embers of hate that has come to dwell within us. And so we hurt this person over and over again. We lash at them every chance we get. We become overly suspicious of every good deed they render us. We punish them for the sins of another, which is terribly wrong.
Seriously, we don't need to punish anyone for any wrong they do us. Believe me, they will be punished. And that is if they deliberately set out to hurt us.
Sometimes, things just don't work out. Sometimes, we meet someone and we think "Wow! This is it!" but as time goes out, the passion we felt at the beginning begins to ebb. This could be due to a number of things. It could be that we don't see things the same way with that person and that could pose as a huge challenge, and the two parties can only be able to find a way around these differences if they both are really mature. And there are other factors.
I always hear people lament after the end of a relationship. I hear them rain curses on the one who jilted them. It hurts. I won't lie but its not enough to curse them or wish them evil. I'm not in any way applauding those who hurt the people they are supposed to love but I will not condemn them either. At least not anymore, because the older we get, the more experiences we have, the wiser we become, the broader our minds get, the more understanding we get.
It is absolutely okay for someone to leave. There's no rule that says we must stay in love and live happily ever after. Happily ever after happens in fairy tales and we all know those are not real. The best we can have is live reasonably happily ever after and that is the plain truth. So, we should try to allow whoever wants to leave be. Let them go. Sometimes, they return and other times they don't. Sometimes its about timing or conditions. If its truly meant to be, that person can be found again; when the timing and conditions are perfect.
So, I was saying no one is obliged to remain with us forever. No one should be forced or cajoled to stay. Yes, they can leave. However, they must say they are leaving.
I've seen situations when someone who so passionately professed love just stops calling. They just move on without telling their partner that they have. That is what I have a big problem with because I would feel deeply ashamed that I fell in love with a coward.
How do you leave someone who loves you, who is so kind and good to you without informing them, without an explanation? What a coward you are!
How dare you keep mute, knowing fully well that this person believes that you love them? How dare you leave them to "figure it out?" That's pure evil, and its one of the things that kill the world. That's one of the easiest way to dehumanize a person because they become lost not knowing which way to go, unable to make any definite plan because they believe you will return at any time to continue with the relationship. Its lethal.
And you use the sickening phrase "I'm going through some stuff right now, give me sometime while I sort myself out?" And you're out there frolicking with your latest victim, probably planning a wedding with another.
I liken this sort to a murderer; the worst kind because you kill that person everyday. You remove something from them everyday they have to live in uncertainty. You limit them. You tamper with their future. Seriously, do you really think you will get away scot free? No, you won't because Karma is no respecter of persons. Karma gets the job done! Karma is a bitch!
See, everyone is worth an explanation. If you're no longer in love, say it. If you think its not going to work out, say it. Don't tie down someone's future just because you are too cowardly to say things as they are at your end. No matter how much it will hurt, that person will recover faster and move on quicker than when you don't.
We should endeavor to tie up every loose end we have. It could be an ex or a present lover. Just do the needful. We learned in Kindergaten that saying the words "I am sorry" is magic. It soothes and heals. Most of the time it does. Why not say it? Call up or text that old flame and tell them how sorry you are for the way you treated them. Tell your present flame you are sorry that you have to leave. Let go of your gluttony and cowardice. Tie up your loose ends.
Maybe you have to think far back or not too far back to tighten your loose end, but do it. If you have been deceiving anyone or consciously leading someone on, you should stop it right now before it is too late. But if you stubbornly decide not to, then be ready for what's coming to you because it will come. It can come in trickles or in torrents, bottomline is, you'll get served your own dish and my, will it be unpalatable!
So, let's do it. Right now. Get on the phone. Get typing. Reach out to that person you KNOW you treated or are treating bad. Whether its an old or present lover, a friend, a family member, a colleague, your boss, your househelp, your driver, gardener, cleaner, neighbour, pet ... It doesn't matter who it is! Just tie up your loose ends and you'll see how better the world will get by tomorrow morning.
P.S:
Four things:
1. You will receive insults but don't despair because you'll realize how much you hurt them and you'll be glad you did your part.
2. You will get "I really, really hated you for a long time. Thanks for doing this"
3. You will get "Well, I forgave you a long time ago but thanks anyway."
4. The person will cry and beg you to change your mind, but remain firm as its for greater good.
Or you will get all four and that depends on how bad you were/are.
Come on, let's do this.
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