Dialoge: The Way To Go
Aramide opens her eyes to find her husband's head on her chest, his arm around her belly and his right leg thrown across her legs.
As usual.
The positions always varies but for the same purpose; to be aware of the time she leaves their bed, or "tries to escape" as he puts it.
'Seyi!' she smiles to herself as she carefully wriggles out of his pin hold.
Seyi: (opens an eye) And where do you think you are going?' .
Aramide: (laughs, as she gets out of bed) To take a shower. My alarm's gone off'
Seyi: (grabs her hand in protest) Hey, I didn't hear it ring!
Aramide: My mental alarm.
Seyi: (matter-of-factly) That doesn't even count.
Aramide: Why doesn't it?
Seyi: If you are the only one who hears it, then it doesn't count. Come back to bed, baby' he pulls her back down and wraps his arms around her.
Aramide: (half-heartedly) We need to start preparing for school run and work, honey.
Seyi: (kisses her lips) In a bit, baby. See, what I have in mind won't take more than 10 minutes. 15 minutes tops.
Aramide: Stop kissing my unwashed mouth. I have morning breath.
Seyi: (kisses her arm) Seriously? How come I don't smell it? Hmmm, I must have a cold or something.
Aramide: (smiling sweetly) Seyi...
Seyi: Come here
Fifteen Minutes Later...
Seyi: (peers at the clock) See? I'm always on time!
Aramide: (laughs) Yes, you are. Every morning, Seyi. We do this every morning.
Seyi: Yet it doesn't get old, does it?
Aramide: (looks at him with love-filled eyes) No, it doesn't. Never.
Alarm goes off.
Seyi: (feigns shock and jumps out of bed) Oh my God, woman! You are going to get me fired! You do this every morning! You deceive me and have your wicked way with me, then I have to hurry my butt out to avoid getting to work late. Look at you! Wicked woman!
Aramide: Whatever! I've had my delicious way with you. That's all that matters to me.
Seyi: (with a glint in his eye he moves to her) That's all that matters to you, right? Right?
Aramide: (backing away) Seyi, don't! Don't you dare!
Seyi: Too late! I must punish you. I'm going to scrub your back so hard ...
(He leaps on her and begins to tickle her.)
She manages to escape from his teasing seconds later and runs into the bathroom. He follows her inside and locks the door behind them.
Seyi: (grabs a sponge and comes after her) Grrrr!
Aramide: (laughs) Go away!
Seyi: Okay, okay. I just want to help scrub your back, sweetie.
Aramide: You are very kind, but no thank you.
Seyi: (grumbles) My wife has no attitude of gratitude.
Aramide: No, she doesn't. Thank you for noticing. You will get a medal for that.
Seyi: What if I'm gentle? I can do it really, really gently.
Aramide: Well, I might reconsider...
Seyi: Good. Now, turn around.
Aramide: Honey, the last time you said that, I felt something hard against my bum and boom! The twins came hurling out of my vagina!
Seyi: Nah. The Iron Man is rested for now. Trust me.
Aramide: (looks at him with suspicion) Yeah, right! That's what the spider said to the fly right before it caught and swallowed it! I don't trust you at all.
Seyi: But baby, I couldn't possibly swallow you. You are, well, bigger than a fly ...
Aramide: What's that supposed to mean? I will have you know that I'm a perfect 12!
Seyi: Of course, you are, darling! You are my perfect size, which is why I can't swallow you, ever. I'd explode if I did.
Aramide: (hits him playfully) You watch it!
Seyi: (laughs wickedly)
Aramide: (tries to keep a straight face) Oh, just punish me already!
Seyi: Good girl! You're beautiful when you're repentant. Now, turn around. I just hope this sponge will be able to work this wide expanse of your lovely back!
Aramide releases a burst of laughter and he joins in delightedly.
Twenty minutes later, Aramide is in the kitchen making breakfast. She smiles as she hears squeals from the boys' bathroom. Seyi always bathes them in the mornings, helps them dress up for school and hurries them into the kitchen for breakfast. Then they will all have breakfast and head out.
The boys get to choose who will drop them off at school. Most of the time, Seyi gets the vote. He's the good parent, the fun one. She is the disciplinarian, so they always go for him and only let her take them sometimes so she will know that "they love her too" and she will laugh and welcome them on board. They are a happy family. There is love in her family.
It hadn't always been like this, though. Their first two years of marriage had been so turbulent. Seyi and her come from very different backgrounds and it had been so hard for them to blend.
She is the first of six children, so she became very responsible from when she was quite young. She learned to do things quickly, to take care of her siblings. Seyi on the other hand is the last of four children and the only male child, so he was spoiled rotten by his parents and big sisters.
They dated for a while and she did notice he tended to be very playful and sometimes unserious. He always made her laugh, which was one of the things she loved about him. When they got married, he ceased being funny to her because she found out he was lazy to a fault and couldn't do anything at all. As a matter of fact, she thought of him as useless.
Well, she hadn't hassled him too much about helping out in the house because she was already used to housework and she loves to cook but when the twins arrived, things became worse.
Her mother had spent three months with them and returned to her home. It became hell for her. She did everything, attended to her babies, cooked, cleaned, dusted and every other thing there was to do in the house, while Seyi would go to work, come back home and play with the twins for the rest of the day. She would have gotten a maid if Seyi hadn't been so vehemently against it, but he never helped around the house and she became frustrated. She became very hostile to him, and stopped talking to him.
At first, he thought it was a joke but the hostile energy that emanated from her had been so strong that he hadn't been able to even sleep in the same bed with her anymore, so he would get a pillow and sleep in the living room sofa.
She never cried, because her mother had told her that crying never solved anything but there were times when her heart would be so heavy that she knew crying would have helped, so she would let her lips tremble and a lump form in her throat, but still she would fight back the tears.
They stopped talking with each other altogether, and only exchanged greetings and information when necessary. Sex became a thing of the past; he never even dared ask her for it because the last time that he did, she had given him the scariest scowl he had ever seen so he'd backed off. She had been too wounded emotionally to have sex with him so that side had been a no go area.
So, they continued living that way until she and the boys fell ill at the same time. Seyi had to take care of the three of them and run the house at the same time. She hadn't been able breastfeed that period so he had to get formula for the babies, administer drugs to them and run the home.
He almost went mad.
After the third day, he actually went mad, got on the phone and called his three sisters, his mother, Aramide's mother and her siblings. He got them all to come to the house and help him out.
They all came and got to work. But there was a lot of squabbles because each family wanted to outdo the other so they could get the credit. It was an uproar, and eventually, Seyi shooed them all out and shut the door against their protests. He walked back into their bedroom and sat on the floor. He placed both hands on his head and let out a relieved sigh. Then he turned to her and they both burst into laughter. They quieted down after a while, both lost in their thoughts.
"Do you have some kind of super powers?" He'd asked suddenly.
"How do you mean?" She asked softly.
"How do you do it? How do you take care of the boys and the home and still be normal?"
"Who says I'm normal? I'm just controlled but definitely not normal." She answered him.
"Boy!" He exclaimed, his head bowed. He was quiet for sometime and then he spoke again,
"What are we going to do?"
"We're obviously not getting along very well, so we should quit the marriage" she said.
"What? Quit? We can't quit the marriage. I love you and the boys. How do I live without you guys?" He looked panicked.
"Seyi, I can't continue this way. I would be dead in a few years!" She cried and the tears started to flow. Finally.
"Oh my God! Please don't cry, baby, please. What do you need me to do? I'm willing to try, please tell me. I want you to talk to me" his voice shook with tears as he moved to her.
"Well, I'm always tired and angry and frustrated and ..."
And they started the series conversation that changed their story. They began to talk to each other again. Things became better, her emotional wounds healed enough for her to smile at him again, and eventually, she invited him back into their bed.
And now these conversations have become the highlights of their lives. They talk about everything; both serious and ridiculous things all the time. And it's helped their relationship a great deal. Seyi does his bit at home, she has returned to work and the boys are very independent now. She makes sure to teach them the things they should know so they "don't end up like daddy used to be."
"We are happy" she smiles to herself again.
Not all marriages are doomed. A whole lot of them can be salvaged. All we need do is open up and talk to each other. We need to be accommodating of each other's feelings by truly listening and doing our best to understand those feelings. It will definitely not happen overnight, because one conversation is not enough. You need to do it all the time, and things will surely get better.
As usual.
The positions always varies but for the same purpose; to be aware of the time she leaves their bed, or "tries to escape" as he puts it.
'Seyi!' she smiles to herself as she carefully wriggles out of his pin hold.
Seyi: (opens an eye) And where do you think you are going?' .
Aramide: (laughs, as she gets out of bed) To take a shower. My alarm's gone off'
Seyi: (grabs her hand in protest) Hey, I didn't hear it ring!
Aramide: My mental alarm.
Seyi: (matter-of-factly) That doesn't even count.
Aramide: Why doesn't it?
Seyi: If you are the only one who hears it, then it doesn't count. Come back to bed, baby' he pulls her back down and wraps his arms around her.
Aramide: (half-heartedly) We need to start preparing for school run and work, honey.
Seyi: (kisses her lips) In a bit, baby. See, what I have in mind won't take more than 10 minutes. 15 minutes tops.
Aramide: Stop kissing my unwashed mouth. I have morning breath.
Seyi: (kisses her arm) Seriously? How come I don't smell it? Hmmm, I must have a cold or something.
Aramide: (smiling sweetly) Seyi...
Seyi: Come here
Fifteen Minutes Later...
Seyi: (peers at the clock) See? I'm always on time!
Aramide: (laughs) Yes, you are. Every morning, Seyi. We do this every morning.
Seyi: Yet it doesn't get old, does it?
Aramide: (looks at him with love-filled eyes) No, it doesn't. Never.
Alarm goes off.
Seyi: (feigns shock and jumps out of bed) Oh my God, woman! You are going to get me fired! You do this every morning! You deceive me and have your wicked way with me, then I have to hurry my butt out to avoid getting to work late. Look at you! Wicked woman!
Aramide: Whatever! I've had my delicious way with you. That's all that matters to me.
Seyi: (with a glint in his eye he moves to her) That's all that matters to you, right? Right?
Aramide: (backing away) Seyi, don't! Don't you dare!
Seyi: Too late! I must punish you. I'm going to scrub your back so hard ...
(He leaps on her and begins to tickle her.)
She manages to escape from his teasing seconds later and runs into the bathroom. He follows her inside and locks the door behind them.
Seyi: (grabs a sponge and comes after her) Grrrr!
Aramide: (laughs) Go away!
Seyi: Okay, okay. I just want to help scrub your back, sweetie.
Aramide: You are very kind, but no thank you.
Seyi: (grumbles) My wife has no attitude of gratitude.
Aramide: No, she doesn't. Thank you for noticing. You will get a medal for that.
Seyi: What if I'm gentle? I can do it really, really gently.
Aramide: Well, I might reconsider...
Seyi: Good. Now, turn around.
Aramide: Honey, the last time you said that, I felt something hard against my bum and boom! The twins came hurling out of my vagina!
Seyi: Nah. The Iron Man is rested for now. Trust me.
Aramide: (looks at him with suspicion) Yeah, right! That's what the spider said to the fly right before it caught and swallowed it! I don't trust you at all.
Seyi: But baby, I couldn't possibly swallow you. You are, well, bigger than a fly ...
Aramide: What's that supposed to mean? I will have you know that I'm a perfect 12!
Seyi: Of course, you are, darling! You are my perfect size, which is why I can't swallow you, ever. I'd explode if I did.
Aramide: (hits him playfully) You watch it!
Seyi: (laughs wickedly)
Aramide: (tries to keep a straight face) Oh, just punish me already!
Seyi: Good girl! You're beautiful when you're repentant. Now, turn around. I just hope this sponge will be able to work this wide expanse of your lovely back!
Aramide releases a burst of laughter and he joins in delightedly.
Twenty minutes later, Aramide is in the kitchen making breakfast. She smiles as she hears squeals from the boys' bathroom. Seyi always bathes them in the mornings, helps them dress up for school and hurries them into the kitchen for breakfast. Then they will all have breakfast and head out.
The boys get to choose who will drop them off at school. Most of the time, Seyi gets the vote. He's the good parent, the fun one. She is the disciplinarian, so they always go for him and only let her take them sometimes so she will know that "they love her too" and she will laugh and welcome them on board. They are a happy family. There is love in her family.
It hadn't always been like this, though. Their first two years of marriage had been so turbulent. Seyi and her come from very different backgrounds and it had been so hard for them to blend.
She is the first of six children, so she became very responsible from when she was quite young. She learned to do things quickly, to take care of her siblings. Seyi on the other hand is the last of four children and the only male child, so he was spoiled rotten by his parents and big sisters.
They dated for a while and she did notice he tended to be very playful and sometimes unserious. He always made her laugh, which was one of the things she loved about him. When they got married, he ceased being funny to her because she found out he was lazy to a fault and couldn't do anything at all. As a matter of fact, she thought of him as useless.
Well, she hadn't hassled him too much about helping out in the house because she was already used to housework and she loves to cook but when the twins arrived, things became worse.
Her mother had spent three months with them and returned to her home. It became hell for her. She did everything, attended to her babies, cooked, cleaned, dusted and every other thing there was to do in the house, while Seyi would go to work, come back home and play with the twins for the rest of the day. She would have gotten a maid if Seyi hadn't been so vehemently against it, but he never helped around the house and she became frustrated. She became very hostile to him, and stopped talking to him.
At first, he thought it was a joke but the hostile energy that emanated from her had been so strong that he hadn't been able to even sleep in the same bed with her anymore, so he would get a pillow and sleep in the living room sofa.
She never cried, because her mother had told her that crying never solved anything but there were times when her heart would be so heavy that she knew crying would have helped, so she would let her lips tremble and a lump form in her throat, but still she would fight back the tears.
They stopped talking with each other altogether, and only exchanged greetings and information when necessary. Sex became a thing of the past; he never even dared ask her for it because the last time that he did, she had given him the scariest scowl he had ever seen so he'd backed off. She had been too wounded emotionally to have sex with him so that side had been a no go area.
So, they continued living that way until she and the boys fell ill at the same time. Seyi had to take care of the three of them and run the house at the same time. She hadn't been able breastfeed that period so he had to get formula for the babies, administer drugs to them and run the home.
He almost went mad.
After the third day, he actually went mad, got on the phone and called his three sisters, his mother, Aramide's mother and her siblings. He got them all to come to the house and help him out.
They all came and got to work. But there was a lot of squabbles because each family wanted to outdo the other so they could get the credit. It was an uproar, and eventually, Seyi shooed them all out and shut the door against their protests. He walked back into their bedroom and sat on the floor. He placed both hands on his head and let out a relieved sigh. Then he turned to her and they both burst into laughter. They quieted down after a while, both lost in their thoughts.
"Do you have some kind of super powers?" He'd asked suddenly.
"How do you mean?" She asked softly.
"How do you do it? How do you take care of the boys and the home and still be normal?"
"Who says I'm normal? I'm just controlled but definitely not normal." She answered him.
"Boy!" He exclaimed, his head bowed. He was quiet for sometime and then he spoke again,
"What are we going to do?"
"We're obviously not getting along very well, so we should quit the marriage" she said.
"What? Quit? We can't quit the marriage. I love you and the boys. How do I live without you guys?" He looked panicked.
"Seyi, I can't continue this way. I would be dead in a few years!" She cried and the tears started to flow. Finally.
"Oh my God! Please don't cry, baby, please. What do you need me to do? I'm willing to try, please tell me. I want you to talk to me" his voice shook with tears as he moved to her.
"Well, I'm always tired and angry and frustrated and ..."
And they started the series conversation that changed their story. They began to talk to each other again. Things became better, her emotional wounds healed enough for her to smile at him again, and eventually, she invited him back into their bed.
And now these conversations have become the highlights of their lives. They talk about everything; both serious and ridiculous things all the time. And it's helped their relationship a great deal. Seyi does his bit at home, she has returned to work and the boys are very independent now. She makes sure to teach them the things they should know so they "don't end up like daddy used to be."
"We are happy" she smiles to herself again.
Not all marriages are doomed. A whole lot of them can be salvaged. All we need do is open up and talk to each other. We need to be accommodating of each other's feelings by truly listening and doing our best to understand those feelings. It will definitely not happen overnight, because one conversation is not enough. You need to do it all the time, and things will surely get better.
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