Who Beta Pass?
Who Beta Pass?
*****
February 13th
After a hard day's work, Okiemute is relieved to come home to his wife and children. As he enters the compound, he sights his neighbour, Oshare running into the latrine.
Okiemute: (under his breath) With dat big yansh wey dat man carry, dat tohlet go full today.
He gets to his front door and makes to bring out his key but the door flings open to reveal his wife, Alero.
Okiemute: (smiling pleasantly) my darling
Alero: (hugs him) honey, wehcome.
He removes his shoes and enters the room.
They live in a Face-Me-I-Face-You house. Their room is one of the large ones, large enough for them to turn it into a room and parlour. An old but clean curtain serves as a wall between the sitting room and the bedroom. The place is neat and tidy. A wonderful aroma emanates from the bedroom area. His dinner is ready.
He looks at his wife and smiles again.
Okiemute: My love, my one and only selected love, how you dey na? You fine die! See as you fine full gran. You wan take fine take injhure yoursef. To God, I carry beta eye go market when I go fine wife.
Alero: (giggles girlishly) honey, your mouth sweet die but you sef fine finish na! See as you pure from head to toe. I get beta eye for head take follow you come house jare
They laugh and hug each other again.
Okiemute: Where the shidren?
They have two daughters and a son.
Alero: Den dey play for the san san wey landlord put for backyard
Okiemute: Okay na, make I go baff make we shop. Abi una don shop leave me?
Alero: How na? No, we neva shop. My honey must show before anytin happen na.
Okiemute: Na so, my darling. Make I quick go baff. Hungry wan take me stone gran.
Alero: Okay. I go follow you make I wash your back for you.
Okiemute: Hmmm, you wan make Emem begin cry for Oshare neck again?
Alero: (with a frown) Ehen! I say I go teh you wetin Emem con teh me today. She con teh me tok say Oshare say he go buy Valantime for ram tomorrow. She teh me tok say Oshare say he go buy dat I-Better-Pass-My-Neighbour generator for ram.
Okiemute: So na wetin con dey do your face na? Why you dey frank your face? Becos of generator nai you dey frank your face?
Alero: No be say I like to frank my face, na just say e con be like say we no dey try.
Okiemute: Come, wetin I say make you dey call me?
Alero: Na honey
Okiemute: Wetin me dey call you?
Alero: Ah, e many o! Darling, love, sweetheart. E many, honey. I gi you hand.
Okiemute: Okay! You don hear dat kain word wonce for den two mout say den dey call densef?
Alero: I neva hear ram wonce for den mout.
Okiemute: Whish skoo their shidren dey go and whish won we own dey go?
Alero: We own dey go private and den own dey go Atakara.
Okiemute: Gbam! Make I clear you sontin ehn! I know say den hole den side pass us, den dey stay two room but I dey clear you now say the love wey dey dis we won room over pass the won wey dey dia full two room. I want make we shidren get bright fushure, dat na why I dey spend all my money for their skoo.
Alero: No be lie, honey. Na so so kworey den dey kworey sef. You too mush and na only God go bless you for us.
Okiemute: You no dey see am so? Ehen, so no dey competeet us wit den again. If NEPA seize light, we go open window make breeze enta. Fresh air too good for body o! We papa and gran papa no know wetin be fan but den skin fresh die becos of fresh air wey den dey take for aside!
Alero: Na so jare. Oya go baff make we shop.
Okiemute: Na so.
*****
February 14th
It’s a Saturday. Oshare indeed buys the generator for his wife, Emem. They put it on and make so much noise about it. They dance around it chanting “I beta pass my nebor” over and over again.
Okiemute goes out and returns in the evening with a beautiful Valentine cake from Cakes By Jess for Alero. They bring out a small table and put the cake on it. They place five stools around the table. Alero serves their dinner of rice and chicken stew. They sit and have dinner outside, all five of them.
At that moment, Emem happens to come out of her house and is shocked at the spectacle before her. She glares at them for a moment then stomps into her house.
After a while, they hear shouts from Oshare's apartment.
Emem: yuseless man. See your mate know howro giff hin wife yoy. You dey here dey yop akpu and your mate dey giff hin wife yoy for outside.
Oshare: I no buy generator for you? You are ingrate somebody.
Emem: Na yenerator I go yop? Ehn? Tell me werra na yenerator I go yop? Yuseless worwor man like you. You berra go buy me cake and rice orawise, you no go yop me again.
Oshare: Abeg na, Emem, you wan kill me? You know say if I no chop you na wahala. Abeg na...
Emem: Nor abeg own. I wan cake or you no yop my cake again.
Oshare: 'ghene! Whish kain winsh wicked woman you be sef? Ehn?
They continue fighting.
Okiemute: I tok am! No be kworey don start again so?
Alero: Honey, I love you jare. Make we finish dis food make these shidren go sleep den we go enta dat wine.
Okiemute: Gbam! Make I go bring am from Papa Emeka fridge.
Alero: Okay.
After the children go to bed, they continue the groove with the cake and wine.
Alero: Honey, dis groove pure die! E jus dey make my blood dey jinga, so I don gree for dat one more pikin wey you dey beg me for since and na dis night I must conceive am.
Okiemute: (Jumps up and starts clearing the table) Gbam! Make we go inside with immediate alacrity.
So, who beta pass for dem two?
*****
February 13th
After a hard day's work, Okiemute is relieved to come home to his wife and children. As he enters the compound, he sights his neighbour, Oshare running into the latrine.
Okiemute: (under his breath) With dat big yansh wey dat man carry, dat tohlet go full today.
He gets to his front door and makes to bring out his key but the door flings open to reveal his wife, Alero.
Okiemute: (smiling pleasantly) my darling
Alero: (hugs him) honey, wehcome.
He removes his shoes and enters the room.
They live in a Face-Me-I-Face-You house. Their room is one of the large ones, large enough for them to turn it into a room and parlour. An old but clean curtain serves as a wall between the sitting room and the bedroom. The place is neat and tidy. A wonderful aroma emanates from the bedroom area. His dinner is ready.
He looks at his wife and smiles again.
Okiemute: My love, my one and only selected love, how you dey na? You fine die! See as you fine full gran. You wan take fine take injhure yoursef. To God, I carry beta eye go market when I go fine wife.
Alero: (giggles girlishly) honey, your mouth sweet die but you sef fine finish na! See as you pure from head to toe. I get beta eye for head take follow you come house jare
They laugh and hug each other again.
Okiemute: Where the shidren?
They have two daughters and a son.
Alero: Den dey play for the san san wey landlord put for backyard
Okiemute: Okay na, make I go baff make we shop. Abi una don shop leave me?
Alero: How na? No, we neva shop. My honey must show before anytin happen na.
Okiemute: Na so, my darling. Make I quick go baff. Hungry wan take me stone gran.
Alero: Okay. I go follow you make I wash your back for you.
Okiemute: Hmmm, you wan make Emem begin cry for Oshare neck again?
Alero: (with a frown) Ehen! I say I go teh you wetin Emem con teh me today. She con teh me tok say Oshare say he go buy Valantime for ram tomorrow. She teh me tok say Oshare say he go buy dat I-Better-Pass-My-Neighbour generator for ram.
Okiemute: So na wetin con dey do your face na? Why you dey frank your face? Becos of generator nai you dey frank your face?
Alero: No be say I like to frank my face, na just say e con be like say we no dey try.
Okiemute: Come, wetin I say make you dey call me?
Alero: Na honey
Okiemute: Wetin me dey call you?
Alero: Ah, e many o! Darling, love, sweetheart. E many, honey. I gi you hand.
Okiemute: Okay! You don hear dat kain word wonce for den two mout say den dey call densef?
Alero: I neva hear ram wonce for den mout.
Okiemute: Whish skoo their shidren dey go and whish won we own dey go?
Alero: We own dey go private and den own dey go Atakara.
Okiemute: Gbam! Make I clear you sontin ehn! I know say den hole den side pass us, den dey stay two room but I dey clear you now say the love wey dey dis we won room over pass the won wey dey dia full two room. I want make we shidren get bright fushure, dat na why I dey spend all my money for their skoo.
Alero: No be lie, honey. Na so so kworey den dey kworey sef. You too mush and na only God go bless you for us.
Okiemute: You no dey see am so? Ehen, so no dey competeet us wit den again. If NEPA seize light, we go open window make breeze enta. Fresh air too good for body o! We papa and gran papa no know wetin be fan but den skin fresh die becos of fresh air wey den dey take for aside!
Alero: Na so jare. Oya go baff make we shop.
Okiemute: Na so.
*****
February 14th
It’s a Saturday. Oshare indeed buys the generator for his wife, Emem. They put it on and make so much noise about it. They dance around it chanting “I beta pass my nebor” over and over again.
Okiemute goes out and returns in the evening with a beautiful Valentine cake from Cakes By Jess for Alero. They bring out a small table and put the cake on it. They place five stools around the table. Alero serves their dinner of rice and chicken stew. They sit and have dinner outside, all five of them.
At that moment, Emem happens to come out of her house and is shocked at the spectacle before her. She glares at them for a moment then stomps into her house.
After a while, they hear shouts from Oshare's apartment.
Emem: yuseless man. See your mate know howro giff hin wife yoy. You dey here dey yop akpu and your mate dey giff hin wife yoy for outside.
Oshare: I no buy generator for you? You are ingrate somebody.
Emem: Na yenerator I go yop? Ehn? Tell me werra na yenerator I go yop? Yuseless worwor man like you. You berra go buy me cake and rice orawise, you no go yop me again.
Oshare: Abeg na, Emem, you wan kill me? You know say if I no chop you na wahala. Abeg na...
Emem: Nor abeg own. I wan cake or you no yop my cake again.
Oshare: 'ghene! Whish kain winsh wicked woman you be sef? Ehn?
They continue fighting.
Okiemute: I tok am! No be kworey don start again so?
Alero: Honey, I love you jare. Make we finish dis food make these shidren go sleep den we go enta dat wine.
Okiemute: Gbam! Make I go bring am from Papa Emeka fridge.
Alero: Okay.
After the children go to bed, they continue the groove with the cake and wine.
Alero: Honey, dis groove pure die! E jus dey make my blood dey jinga, so I don gree for dat one more pikin wey you dey beg me for since and na dis night I must conceive am.
Okiemute: (Jumps up and starts clearing the table) Gbam! Make we go inside with immediate alacrity.
So, who beta pass for dem two?
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