Rekya's Flavors

Inside Osakpamwan Taizi ... Osakpamwan: Abeg, na one one fifty to Ugbor road o! Chuma: Tufiakwa! Paul: Ha! Chief Ben: Shuuuuu! Pastor Moses: Chineke! Nosa: 'Salobua! Charles: Awiloooooo! Doc Frederick: Dammit! Hehehehehe! Osakpamwan: Na so e be o, my pipo. No pentro for Bini. Paul: But why you no tok am for park na? Oda taizi been dey load hundred, hundred naira. I for kukuma enta dat wan na! All: Abi o! Osakpamwan :(unsmiling) I tok am, maybe una no hear. Mudiaga: Lai lai! You no tok anytin lai dat. Which kain rubbish be dis na? Osakpamwan: If una no go pay make una con dan make I revise o. We neva too go far. Mudiaga: Revise go wia? When we don go far? And you know say we no go see anoda taizi for hia. Na wicked be dat na. Chuma: Bia, wetin be the mata wit you? Ah tink somtin dey wrong for ya hade. Wetin ah go tell ma babe say ah yuze the balance 50 naira do? She kakulate all the money for ma hand. Make una see me wahala! Osakpamwan: No be m...

Meanwhile, for inside Osakpamwan taizi as he dey drive pass Oba Palace: Sunny: Bia, no be bat dey fly so? Ah tink na dis bat dey cause Ebola? Why dem still dey hia? Prince: Oga, where dem go go na? Sunny: Not fumigayshon dem call am? Make dem blow am for air jare make e kill dem all. Osakpamwan: So, you mean say you no fit chop bat meat? Sunny: Tufikwa. Me, chop bat meat? Ah no wan die, biko. Ah neva reach. If na dog meat you tok, ah go hia. Prince: Oga, you dey chop dog meat? Sunny: Ma broda, dog meat na the best meat ah don test for ma life. Osakpamwan: True? How e dey be for mouth? Sunny: Ah no sabi but ah know say wen ah chop am e sweet. Ah no fit deeskribe am. Willy: Oga driver, dog meat na helele. No be small something dey there o. I dey feel dog meat wella because the water dey cure fever. If dem use am cook pepper soup come slice yam put. Mbok, na brain you go hear am. No be "essential" dog o, dat one no dey sweet. Na dose strong one I dey tok so. Sunny: Nkita! Will...

King's Square. Lots of passengers and no taxis. Sunny, Prince, Clement, Pastor Ken and Agnes are all waiting to get a cab. An empty taxi pulls up and Sunny rushes to it, yanks open the passenger side door and jumps in. Others follow suit. Sighs of relief from them as they all try to settle in. Just then, another lady, Bridget rushes towards the taxi and yanks open the passenger side door. Sunny: Madam, e don full biko. Try make yu fine anoda taksi. Osakpamwan: No, oga na two passenger i dey carry for front so dress for the madam abeg. Sunny: (Grumbling as he creates space for Bridget ) Make una see me wahala. So becos say taksi scarce naim you wan add anoda pesin join me? Ah wonda for dis driver o. Bridget gets in and Osakpamwan drives off. Sunny mumbles something under his breath as he shifts and turns. He's clearly uncomfortable. He sighs and then hisses. Everyone else is silent. "Chai!" Sunny finally exclaims Osakpamwan peers at him, then at Bridget and a wicked...

Peggy's hand tightened around the receiver as she listened to the Doctor read out her test results over the phone. "Did you hear me say positive, Ma'am?" he asked from the other side. "Yeah. Got it. Positive!" She said in frustration and slammed the receiver on the hook. Dammit, dammit to hell!!!!!!!!! She couldn’t believe her ears. Positive? The first and only time she’d had sex without a condom? Dammit! She was going to kill that son of a bitch. She had always known he was no good for her. With that goofy grin and stupid, puppy dog eyes. She had asked herself time and again why she had even gotten involved with him in the first place. He wasn’t her type at all, yet she had gone ahead and gotten involved with him and not just that, she’d had unprotected sex with him. Damn! She never cried. If not she would be bawling her eyes out right now. She was going to call him right away and give him a piece of her mind. She shouldn’t be feeling the misery alone. ...

No be eeeeeeen, , Osakpamwan the taizi driver carry one man and him babe go Kada Silima go wash E-dian fim to celebrate the independent? The man pay for 4 hours because we know say E-dian fim dey long, so Osakpamwan get to hang around till dem wash the E-dian fim finish. So, Osakpamwan con dey stroll around Kada Plaza o, dey look evritin. Small time, naim he see where den dey sell popcorn, so e con waka go there make he buy. Osakpamwan: Give me kpofcohn. (He said to the Sales Boy) Sales Boy: Okay, sir. How many pack? Osakpamwan: Onle one Sales Boy: Okay sir. And the Sales Boy come package the popcorn give am. Osakpamwan con put him hand for pocket wan bring out money Osakpamwan: How much? Sales Boy: 500 naira Osakpamwan: You saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay? 500 wetin? Wetin no dey bellefu person? Abeg take e. And he flung a 50 naira note at the Sales Boy. Sales Boy: sir, its 500 naira. They wroted it down here. (And he pointed to the price list) Osakpamwan: I think you know Oba market? E get one ...

*I like the Make Believe because there you can be whatever you want to be... *You can be wealthy and successful... *You can be in the USA this minute, and in China the very next... *You can be loved by the most handsome/beautiful and wonderful person in the whole world... *You can have the best things in the whole world; the best clothes, shoes, perfumes, jewellery, cars, houses... *You can have the best job or most successful business around... *You can dine with Kings, Presidents of countries; heck, you can be President of the United States... *You can be happy 24/7, 365 days, day and night... *And so on... *Real Life is hard... *Real Life hurts... *Real Life sucks... *Real Life takes away what you've built for years... *Real Life takes away loved ones... *Real Life gives you the worst crap ever... *You get a terrible spouse in Real Life... *You have fifty pairs of shoes but can confidently wear just two out of all fifty anywhere in Real Life... *In Real Life, it doesn't mat...

Lanre's tired eyes scanned the crowded eatery and then at his watch; it was almost 4pm. He huffed impatiently because he had been waiting for over 30 minutes for his food to be brought to the counter. "Just how long does it take for one to be served around here?" he muttered to himself. He was famished, as he had not had anything to eat all day, and the service was so slow that a snail could have done a better job.  The doors swung open and a girl walked in. For a moment, the hunger pangs disappeared as Lanre beheld the loveliness of the angel before him. She was slim and tall,  wearing a tan, sleeveless jumper, with a multicoloured sash around her waist. She had on long braids reaching up to her waist. She wore flat sandals, and a very large handbag hung over one shoulder. Her skin looked smooth and creamy. She looked calm and serious and he wondered what made her so. She was the loveliest sight he had ever beheld in his life and he couldn't take his eyes off...