Osakpamwan The Taizi Draiva


Inside Osakpamwan Taizi ...




Osakpamwan: Abeg, na one one fifty to Ugbor road o!

Chuma: Tufiakwa!

Paul: Ha!

Chief Ben: Shuuuuu!

Pastor Moses: Chineke!

Nosa: 'Salobua!

Charles: Awiloooooo!

Doc Frederick: Dammit! Hehehehehe!

Osakpamwan: Na so e be o, my pipo. No pentro for Bini.

Paul: But why you no tok am for park na? Oda taizi been dey load hundred, hundred naira. I for kukuma enta dat wan na!

All: Abi o!

Osakpamwan :(unsmiling) I tok am, maybe una no hear.

Mudiaga: Lai lai! You no tok anytin lai dat. Which kain rubbish be dis na?

Osakpamwan: If una no go pay make una con dan make I revise o. We neva too go far.

Mudiaga: Revise go wia? When we don go far? And you know say we no go see anoda taizi for hia. Na wicked be dat na.

Chuma: Bia, wetin be the mata wit you? Ah tink somtin dey wrong for ya hade. Wetin ah go tell ma babe say ah yuze the balance 50 naira do? She kakulate all the money for ma hand. Make una see me wahala!

Osakpamwan: No be my fot. No pentro, and skoo fis time don reach.

Nosa: Meaning? I say meaning? Na only you geh pikin for skoo? No be skoo fis me sef dey fine upadan so?

All: Me sef oh

Doc Frederick: Hehehehehe!

Osakpamwan: To be fada no be small sontin. Dem drive my pikins from skoo yestahday and wen I dey comot go work dis morni, I no like the bad eye wey dem take look me.

Paul: Chai! Dis skoo fis mata tie wrapper for chest. Dem call me from my pikins skoo yestahday too. Daz why I run comot for hass dis early mor mor go fine money.

Nosa: Hmmm, my wife warn me say if I no bring awa pikin skoo fis con hass today, bad tin go happun. I sofry respet myself go fine money, becox my wife na ovbi eCalabar, an dia ves no good ka ka!

Chuma: Hmmm, evun sef, na bank ah dey com from so. I go widraw the small money wen ah dey save for dia since. Ma babe say no skoo fis, no show for me.

Chief Ben: Na my osusu I dey go round go collect so, make I for fit pay skoo fis.

Pastor Moses: I thank the good Lord wey dey provide me wit good bredrens wey dey pay their tithe. Odawise, e for be "my pipo sha be ashame" o. May the good Lord bless Sister Peace weh weh, bcoz she pay her tithe wey I wan take go pay my pikin skoo fis so.

Mudiaga: Hmmm, my mouth no fit tok the one wey I dey. My own two pikins dey go 'Avard and Osford univahsty in the abroad. Dia skoo fis na die! And my wife say if I no go pay their skoo fis, she go born the four pikins wey dey insai her belle today today. Naim I sofry go sell my shess make I take pay the money o!

Charles: Me dem never pay us salary for tiri mons, so na skoo fis I go borrow from my broda so. Notin wey he no tell me before he give me the money, but I bear ram. Aftroll, na for the beta of my pikins.

All: Hmmm

Doc Federick: Hehehehehe!

Chuma: Bia, which won be "hehehehehe" wey you dey tok for hia? You no get word for maut?

Doc Federick: I be dokinta, so I get money to pay my pikins skoo fis. Hehehehehe!

Paul: E no mata jor! As you be papa na so we sef be papa too. Weda you get oredy made skoo fis and we get to huzzo awa own, so far we pay the skoo fis!

Nosa: Did you chop, or did you not chop?

Charles: Gbam!

Osakpamwan: Life no easy. Pikin mata don take everytin wey man pikin dey work for since. And e still dey road dey come o.

Paul: Wetin pesin go do? Na the choice wey we make be dat. Make we jus close awa eye for one minit con tink of how awa life for be witat awa pikins.

They all close their eyes, including Osakpamwan. The car swerves dangerously. Their eyes fly open.

Paul: (panicked) Draiva, you no join o! Open your eye before you go kill us.

Osakpamwan: Haba! I no be papa?

Mudiaga: You be papa but if you close dat your eye, you no go be again.

Osakpamwan: Ha! I don hear.

Nosa: The trut be say, pikins na gift from God and evun doh say e no easy to train dem, e still beta say we get dan rada we no get.

All: Na true my brother.

Osakpamwan: If you see wetin my small girl pikin dey do sontines ehn? I go laff laff laff. She dey make awa hass dey sweet.

Paul: I dey tell you. My own no dey let me rest. So so worry but if she go skoo, I go dey feel of am.

Nosa: My alagbode (lastborn) naim dey tok wetin dey happun for my hass o. I too like dat pikin!

Mudiaga: My pikins too know book. Das why I no dey tink am before I pay their skoo fis. Dem dey make my belle dey sweet.

Pastor Moses: My pikin dey shine like mirror. As I worwor reach, I no know how I take born dat kain pikin. She be my gift.

Chief Ben: My girl pikins too like me. Dem like me pass their mama sef. Dem dey make me wan quick run go hass when I close from work.

Charles: Na so so fest my pikin dey carry. He no dey miss am.

Doc Frederick: My pikins be like my frens. Dem dey tell me everything. Na so dem know book too. But dem too chop. Hehehehehehe!

They all laugh, and then fall silent, smiling.

Osakpamwan: ( clears throat) So una go pay the one one fifty abi?

Chima: See dis anofia!

Nosa: U vben vben ah? (You dey crase?)

Chief Ben: Waka!

Paul: Ole!

Charles: Awiloooooo!

Pastor Moses: Get thee behind me, satan!

Doc Federick: Longa throat. Hehehehehe!

Osakpamwan: (gloomy) Hmmm, wetin man go do?

Doc Federick: Okay, make una no worry. No be only women I go dey do "borbor can nice" for. I go pay the one one fifty for everybody. Hehehehehe!

All (smiling happily): Ah, tank you, dokinta.

Pastor Moses: The good Lord never fails.

All: At all.


The End

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